so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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