i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize