To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
