according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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