did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive