Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.