my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?