I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.