i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.