When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
