just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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