Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
