my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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