i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
