How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
