Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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