THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You smell like stripper and shame
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
