So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
