The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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