The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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