My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
