At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult