My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's always time for handjobs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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