if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children