A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...