he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.