you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.