Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize