So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
