So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
