the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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