I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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