I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
