My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
