I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
