I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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