I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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