Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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