Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
