Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found the puke drawer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
