Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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