Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
