Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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