I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
