It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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