I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
