does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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