and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
