dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
