The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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