Can Purell be used as lube?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
