I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
