the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My vagina is officially offended.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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