I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
