I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i now understand why vodka
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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