He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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