Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
