i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
