I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
