dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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