Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
