Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
