best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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