Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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