I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sponge bath it is.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your cock deserves a montage
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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