let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
